Text Message
by LittleMissDeathy
Summary: Hidan sends a suggestive text message to Zetsu...but it was really meant for Kakuzu! ...Oops. Yaoi. Smut. Lemons. Yum.


**This idea came from my good friend and awesome writer, Cannedy. **

**THANK YOU, CANNEDY! I LOVE YOU! **

**This is AU-ish...they have cell phones. XD**

**A short oneshot. Check it.**

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Hidan laughed evily as he texted 'Would you like to eat me?' into his cell-phone. This was going to be awesome. Annoying Kakuzu was hilarious. It was especially fun to annoy him with sexual innuendos. He finished punching in the text and hit 'send to'. However, due to the fact he did not name his numbers he soon remembered that Kakuzu and Zetsu have similar numbers. He couldn't figure out which one was which.

"Uuuh..." He grumbled to himself, "This one..." He hit the first number, not knowing who it was going to.

...It was a 50% chance...so his odds were good, right?

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Zetsu heard his phone beep at the sound of a text message. The black half's hand reached over and flipped the phone open reading it. "_It's from Hidan? _**What the hell could he want?" **He read it. He read it a second time. And then a third time. Eyes growing wider and smirk stretching larger with each read. The zealot was offering himself to him? What a pleasent suprise!~ How odd...Why didn't he just offer himself in person? His room was right next door. Oh well. He skipped happily out of his room and into Hidan's and bust open the door then shut it and locked it.

Hidan looked up at the two-colored man entering his room. "What the hell are y-"

"_Yes we would like to eat you! "_ The white half suddenly burst out.

Hidan looked confused and then eyes grew wide. Shit. So it went to Zetsu after all? FUCK! "No Zetsu! That was meant for K-"

"**Of course we wouldn't literally eat you."**

That statement made Hidan sigh in relief.

"**More like kiss, lick, **_touch, suck, _**and fuck you."** Zetsu said with both halves grinning like bastards.

Hidan now stared with his 'Oh shit' look. "Zetsu!" He pointed to the door, "Get the FUCK out my room!" His voice was frantic. He didn't want to be raped by some shcizoid.

Zetsu shook his head and inched towards Hidan, grabbing his scythe from his back and taking the rope that was attached to it to tie him up. He struggled and squirmed and spewed swear words that Zetsu didn't even knew existed.

"FUCK YOU, YOU MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKER GAY SCHIZOPHRENIC RAPIST ASSHOLE SHITTING FUCKER!" Hidan screamed and yelled. Zetsu just continued to force him down and tie him up.

His hands and legs were tied together and Hidan stared up at him glaring. With a small chuckle Zetsu took a finger and gently rubbed it against Hidan's neck down to the middle of his chest. Hidan's eyes grew wider and he squirmed and shouted out more offensive words. Zetsu took duct tape from his pocket (keeping that stuff around came in handy) and ripped off a peice shutting Hidan's mouth closed. Now Hidan limply jumped around and squirmed more. Zetsu bent over and rolled his tongue over Hidan's right nipple, feeling the perked, sweet, pink bud in his mouth. A small nasal-moan came from Hidan as his brows furrowed with worry.

Zetsu laughed quietly and and began moving his hands into Hidan's pants, fondling his pride while the other hand lightly caressed his chest and began sucking on his neck, drinking in every pant he and moan he made. Oh, he was so sensitive. How cute.~ Zetsu began unbuttoning his pants and then Hidan's. Hidan shook his head in objection "MM! MMMMM!" He couldn't say no.

Zetsu laughed louder and tore off the duct tape. Causing Hidan to yelp slightly. He wasn't swearing but now looked at him with somewhat frightened eyes. He was gonna get raped. Zetsu began licking three of his fingers and slid them into Hidan's tight, warm ass, causing him to arch his back.

"Who-OH! ZETSU!" It didn't hurt. It didn't feel good. But it sure the hell felt WEIRD.

Zetsu licked his neck and began moving his fingers in an out, trying to well-coat the inside of him in salivia. Hidan let out a low "Aahh!" When he started moving those fingers, the sensation from it was overwhelming. Zetsu pulled his fingers out and Hidan now pouted up at him, wanting him to continue.

"**We thought you didn't like this.**" The black half chuckled loosely.

Quite the contrare. That felt better than pain! The tingling, wonderful, sensation...it was indescribeable! He didn't say anything. He wasn't sure what to say. Zetsu grinned wider and without questioning anything else he rammed himself into Hidan, causing him to let out a shrill scream. The pain...The pleasure...two wonderful things mixed into one was just so...amazing! Zetsu began thrusting himself at a fast pace, not caring if it hurt. If it did, Hidan would just enjoy it so he could go crazy on him.

"OH-OH-OHMYGAH-AH!" Hidan screamed and moaned. Zetsu continued to thrust into him.

"**Say our name.**" Thrust.

"Aaah! Z..." Thrust. "AH! ZET...Zet-oh my GAAH" THRUST. "AAH! ZETSU!"

Zetsu laughed and panted. Grabbing onto Hidan and taking in every moan, feeling his hot, sweaty, sticky skin. He licked the drool coming from Hidan mouth and began to swirl his tongue into his, enjoying the fine taste of him that resembled blood and candy.

"Ohh! OOH! GIVE it to MEE, ZeetSUUUU!" He shouted, coming all over his own chest and Zetsu's.

Nodding, Zetsu thrusted deeper into him and let out low, short grunt as he came hard into him, making Hidan scream loudly then smile goofily.

"Ohh..OH...Zetsu...That was.."

Before he could finish speaking Zetsu began thrusting into him again. Hidan screamed louder and squirmed. It hurt if you did it right after coming...but he enjoyed the pain to it's fullest, along with the pleasure.

"OHYESS! ZETTSUU! FUUUCK!" Hidan came again, all over him and Zetsu. Zetsu let out another low grunt and came into Hidan shortly after, watching as it filled him and leaked out from that pretty, well-fucked ass.

With a pleased sigh he fell over top Hidan, not pulling out.

"**Whenever you need some fun, **_Or stress relief, **just text us again."**_

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**Uhh...That could've been better I guess. Certainly wasn't my best work. o_o;;;**


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